letting the light in and seeing things for what they are

 crazy times call for spillage! 

when you let things go they really do swing back. it's fricking crazy to see in real time. in real life. and to see things so differently. feeling the root truth deep inside somewhere in the past and seeing it flourish and sprout in ways I could've never imagined yet held together by the untetherable truth of hope and love. witnessing this with my own eyes and heart. it's fucking insane is an understatement but. and to think that strangers hold visions of my truth. like i just experienced it a second ago all right in front of me. its unreal. like truly unreal. and then getting to witness it and interact with it in different ways. it's insane. so real. like mind-bendingly real. but so fucking exciting. like so exciting that i- like all of it-

it can be easy in these moments to slip into what has always been. but that's it it hasn't always been. and there's been times where things feel like that's all there is. but i get to make space for what will be. and that's a big deal. a life-changingly big deal.

people really are a mirror.

it's crazy where all of this can lead you. I'm literally seeing this stuff in real time. WTF DO U MEAN LIKE THIS SHIT IS REAL. all because i trusted and turned to the light slowly. if that's possible, then all the inklings and inchings I have towards opening my heart that I've felt throughout my entire life to know to be true r real! what a reoccuring suprise! which I've known and had literal proof of but living another reality really took a toll. turned me inside out. to the depths of my shame and fear and insecurity. so much so that of course right but like still shocking, life was transformed in front of my eyes. to know with concrete proof that life doesn't quit on u at ur worst and that ur still met with those at the same level, have people put in ur life as reminders of what ur soul is yearning for. it's more than i could ever possibly ask for. there's sm stillness now. i knew it would one day come but to rlly be in it. and for the shakiness that used to withdraw me from life to be so sunk deep down. to hear echoes of its ripple but choose to stay afloat. and breath into what is NOW. I have to keep swimming. floating. in spite. and be brave enough to keep facing forward. to give myself the chance. the right! to live in love. it's not a coincidence that light and love both seem to transcend laws of the universe...

i love you. thanks for not giving up on urself vic. and loving isn't selfish. it's the most selfless thing you could do. to be the light for others. it's a mutual respect for the workings of nature. ur spirit needs it so do it vic. and let people make of it what they do. let that let u giggle! and love more in the face of a heart denied of it.