PRECIPICE: exciting stuff

 hi. i forgot about this outlet for a second and was about to write in my journal but sometimes i got lost in translation and also want a middle ground between public outlet and me letting everything out so this is serving that rn. 

my entire life i have created with the divine. ik that sounds so woowoo, hippie, but genuinely, the reason why when people would ask me "how do u do that/ how did u think of that?" at smth i created, some joke/ clever line, a poem/ creative endevour, etc... i never felt an egotistical ownership over it. i didnt even feel ownership over it. i have always felt just as surprised, excited like a little kid stumbling over a rare find and being excited to show their siblings. i have surrendered to the divine (God, the Universe, whatever you want to call it/ believe in) and been in that state and its brought me everything tie to community, love, light. i came across this instagramer icietnu and she made a video over surrendering ur creativity to the divine and how what u create is a co-creation. how ur human mind can never equip u for creating what flows naturally through u when u surrender. and how u can live in conscious awareness of what is flowing through u watching a miracle occur that u have opened urself up to, while being the vessel of that work of art. i remember how i used to feel in that state and i was the most connected to the world around me. felt so much love and connection. i feel myself inching closer and closer to truly opening up and surrendering (pretentious way of saying letting urself not be tied to ur ego/ trying to be in control of everything even ur own ideas) and i am getting excited and hopeful. i feel myself getting more present and excited to wake up in the morning. like truly grounded. i dont ask for anything more than that. to live the miracle on earth! even tho thats already proof of it. my planets, stars, and galaxies class is awesome. einstein was awesome. and 

another vulnerable share bc we r already here. im so excited to make relationships. all types of them. but especially close friendships and a romantic relationship. just to be a part of peoples lives and for them to be a part of mine and know people truly and them know me truly. its been a while 

there's a lot that i'm on the precipice of and im really really excited to be opening up and not escaping life anymore (ik that sounds like a lot but thats bc it is! #real#itsbeenatime)